Letters From the Grave
by weirdsquint
Summary: Ian Doyle is dead but Emily can't come back right away. How is her BAU family going to deal with these news and her attempts at contacting them?
1. Prologue

**Author's Note**: So, this is my first Criminal Minds story and it has spoilers for Lauren (6x18). I got this idea yesterday and it kept nagging at me so I decided to share. I plan on making a chapter for each member of the team if you guys are interested. I'm not sure if it'll have any pairings, though if I decide to write one in it'll definitely be Morgan/Prentiss. But, as I said, I'm not sure as of yet.

Oh, and English is not my first language and this story is unbeta'ed, so if you catch any mistakes please let me know.

Thanks for reading and tell me if you think I should continue writing it.

xx

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**Letters From the Grave**

**Prologue**

Supervisory Special Agent and Unit Chief Aaron Hotchner Sat in his office going through the first of many piles of paperwork that needed his signature and approval. The morning briefing had assured his team that there was no need for going away on any cases, so he just assigned consults to his team of profilers and rattled off some requests on information for his technical analyst and retreated back to the quiet privacy of his office. Roughly ten thirty in the morning his cell phone rang and the caller's name brought a startled raise of the stoic agent's eyebrow. He hadn't received a call from his unit's former media liaison in over seven months, since he was sworn to secrecy about Emily Prentiss surviving her encounter with Ian Doyle.

His voice, however, showed none of the worry and apprehension he felt as he answered the phone with a polite and succinct "JJ?".

"Hotch, Doyle is dead". There it was. Without preamble. The news he had been waiting to hear for a long time.

"And you're absolutely sure?" The serene intonation of his question would have fooled anyone into believing this was just an ordinary work-related phone call instead of something that could drastically change the dynamics of the close-knit that the BAU had become over the years and especially the past months.

"Yes."

"Does she know? Have you talked to her?"

"Yes to both questions. She is still overseas and will remain that way until the taskforce in charge officially closes the investigation and make sure none of his, uhm, subordinates - so to speak – are onto her. They estimate about seven to ten weeks before she'll be able to come home." Hotch hadn't heard so much contained emotion in the blonde's voice since the birth of her son.

"All right then. But, JJ, what about the –"

"You're allowed to disclose the information to the team provided that they know how important it is that they keep it to themselves. I'd like to be there with you when you tell them, if you don't mind. And one more thing, Hotch, she is allowed to communicate with few people via letters that will be sent to me first and she told me she wants to write to Spence, Morgan, Garcia and Rossi."

"Okay, JJ. I'd like to tell them as soon as possible if that's alright with you. I think this has been kept from the long enough and, frankly, I am worried about their reactions."

"Oh, I know what you mean. If you want, I can ask Will to pick Henry up from kindergarten and drive there so we can tell them later this afternoon.

"That'll be fine. I'll see you at around five thirty then?"

"See you then, Hotch." JJ could barely keep the excitement from her voice. She knew telling the team would be incredibly hard and she honestly feared the reaction of some of them – namely, Morgan – but she couldn't help but feel happy that this whole ordeal was finally coming to an end.

"Conference room in ten, guys" Said the Unit Chief, barely sparing a glance down to the bullpen as he headed toward Rossi's office to relay the same message.

Once they were all seated and looking expectantly at their team leader, somewhat disturbed by the unusual summon so close the end of the working day, Hotch motioned to the large TV behind him. The eerily silent room was filled by Garcia's gasp as she spotted the bloody image of a lifeless Doyle laying on a curb somewhere in Boston.

Morgan had his jaw clenched and his knuckles were white from the force of his grip on the table. Rossi and Seaver just stared intently at the screen while Reid had a look of childlike sadness adorning his young face.

Giving his team a moment to compose themselves, Hotch started.

"Ian Doyle was killed last night by a CIA taskforce in the outskirts of Boston. I received the information from JJ earlier today and we thought best to brief you some details of the case together. She should be here in a few minutes." He felt incredibly guilty having lied to his team, his friends for so long, especially having to watch them suffer through the grief of losing such a close friend.

As soon as the door opened and JJ stepped in, Garcia and Reid started to bombard them with questions about Doyle and his son as Morgan looked increasingly pissed, as if having ended him now wouldn't do them any good, she was gone anyway.

The blonde barely looked at them as she inserted her flash drive on Garcia's colorful laptop and asked her friend to open the pictures with a touch to her shoulder and a gentle, almost apologetic smile.

At Penelope's strangled sound of confusion, the profilers quickly gathered around the small screen.

"Is that.."

"When were these taken?"

"Why are you showing these old pictures to us?"

Inhaling deeply and closing her eyes for a few brief seconds, she started "These were taken this morning by agents who have been keeping tabs on Emily while she is in hiding and using different identities overseas."

By then, the multiple questions morphed into one that was voiced – in an increbly hurt and angry tone – by Derek Morgan.

"WHAT?"

Reid looked happy, stunned, hurt and finally betrayed as his focus shifted from JJ to Hotch.

"You knew about this." The team leader nodded curtly and, on his defense, looked very guilty.

"She's coming back home then?" The oldest profiler asked, with a leveled yet emotional edge to his voice.

"Not for a few weeks, the have to clear all the people connected t Doyle before they allow her back on the States."

The sob that broke free from the bubbly analyst shook Morgan from his angry trance and he started to head for the door when JJ grabbed his forearm and, looking carefully at each and every member of her old team said "She has been cleared to have communication with a handful of people of her choice and, as per her request, each of you will get a letter or two in the upcoming weeks. If you don't want to see me when I deliver them I fully understand, but please know that I only hid this from all of you for Declan's safety, Emily's and your own."

With her vision blurred, she watched Derek finally leave as Garcia got up to hug her and Spence took the hand she offered, clasping it tightly and wiping at his eyes.

Rossi got up and left Seaver seated at the table watching the pictures of her former mentor in some little European town.

Clasping a hand over Hotchs's shoulder as the younger man rubbed his temples he said "It's going to be a long few weeks."

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**TBC?**

**Let me know if I should post more! Thanks for reading,  
Marina xx **


	2. Chapter 1

**Letters From the Grave**

**Chapter 1**

**Disclaimer (applies to all chapters): I don't own anything even remotely related to Criminal Minds and this is for entertainment purposes only.**

**Author's Note: Huge thanks to everyone who read/reviews/alerted/favorited this story. You made my week :) Again, this is unbeta'ed so, any mistakes are my own and I'll happily correct them if you point them out to me. So, on with the show. Please let em know what you think!  
**

**Marina **

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The BAU team was glad to have a weekend with no cases after receiving the startling news of their "late" friend being alive. It sure helped to have some time to get used to the idea that she'd be getting back to the States soon and that, even sooner, they'd be able to hear from her.

The resident genius had barely slept the past few days, which caused his already raging headaches to worsen considerably. As he juggled his coffee, files of paperwork he had taken home to distract his insomniac thoughts and his leather messenger bag, he almost missed the plain white envelope sitting atop his otherwise untouched desk. Almost. On the back of it, in clean and meticulous handwriting he read the nickname that only one person used for him, _Spence_.

Knowing the contents of the envelope without having to open it, Reid thought best to finish his coffee and arrange his desk for his paperwork duty before opening it. To anyone passing by, it would look like he was just being very thorough and meticulous about his organizational skills. To anyone who knew him, though, it was blatantly clear that he was just stalling.

Not too subtly looking around the bullpen he was met with 'good mornings' from two other agents who had also arrived early. Sighing inwardly, he collected his envelope and cup of coffee and headed for the conference room. Their meeting was only scheduled for nine thirty, meaning he still had well over an hour of privacy with his letter and his thoughts.

Two pieces of paper fell from the envelope as he opened it. First, he read the small note from JJ, written in one of those bright pink desk pads she liked so much.

_Spence,_

_I'm sorry I couldn't hand this to you in person, but Will had to interview a suspect and I had to take Henry to daycare. Emily wanted her fist letter to come to you, so here it is. I hope this helps you deal with the situation better. I worry about you, Spence. And I am here for you if you ever need anything. Again, I am so sorry about this whole mess._

_Love,  
JJ._

The other one was a plain white piece of paper that had been ripped from a notebook and folded twice, making it roughly the same size as JJ's colorful note. On the outside, it simply read _Reid_ in Emily's familiar handwriting. It was clear to him though that she had written the word very carefully, almost tentatively and he finally allowed himself to think of how she must be feeling, all alone in an unfamiliar place, unable to have contact with family or friends.

Shaking his head gently and rubbing his temples rhythmically he unfolds the paper ceremoniously.

_So, I finally got around to watching Solaris in Russian. When I did, I couldn't stop thinking about you. I miss you, you know. You never really know how those statistics come in handy until you don't have a genius around all the time anymore. _

_Sorry. I guess the whole 'sarcasm as a defense mechanism' thing has yet to leave me. I really do miss you, Reid. So much. And I could never fully express just how sorry I am that I had to do what I did. I don't know if you could ever forgive me and I am really doing my best to not expect much of you guys when I am finally able to come home, but I hope you can at least understand that it hurt me to do it. It hurts that I am here explaining my leaving in a letter to you. I really hoped you would never have to get this kind of letter again. _

_I hope your headaches have gotten better and everything is alright with your mother. And I also hope Morgan hasn't been picking on you too much since I'm not around to be the target of half his jokes. God, I miss our jokes. I even miss the stale coffee in the breakroom. Guess that goes to show just how much it sucks to be invisible halfway across the globe. Sorry, again. I just… you know this isn't about not trusting you or not caring about you, right? I really do hope you realize that.__ I have never felt as at home as I did in the BAU, I never had such a family-like environment or such a sense of belonging anywhere else. I think, more than anyone else, you can understand that. I was simply doing what I had to do for my family. Because that's what all of you are. _

_And I understand how big a disappointment it must be to know that I violated your trust and walked away. But it's all on me. Please understand that JJ and Hotch were simply following orders and doing the best to protect all of us – Declan included.__ I know you were upset that you didn't get to say goodbye to me, Reid, but if that's still what you want – to say goodbye – I'd be happy to give you a chance. And I will walk away if that's what you want, but I'd love it if you can at least let me see you first. See for myself that you are okay. That you have been taking care of yourself, that you have been sleeping properly and feeling better from the headaches. _

_I do love you, Reid. I am sorry for not saying that before but I have felt it all along. Please know that. I am very happy to say that you were my friend and a huge part of my family._

_From your dear friend,_

_Emily. _

Cradling his head in his hands, he didn't have enough strength to keep the tears at bay. He could tell how alone she felt, how deeply she was hurting, how much it pained her to have to leave him, leave all of them. Not only from her words, but from her handwriting. How could he not want to see her? Of course he forgave her – that's what families do. They hurt each other but they eventually forgive, even if forgetting wasn't that easy. Sure he wouldn't forgive and move on from the whole ordeal simply from looking at his long lost friend, but he wasn't planning on putting obstacles in the path of their friendship either. With a decidedly hopeful sigh, Reid swiped slowly at his eyes and carefully folded the piece of paper before putting it on the wallet he retrieved from his pants pocket. He had a feeling he would looking over those words quite a few times in the weeks to come.

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**Drop me a line and let me hear your thoughts :)**

**Marina xx**


	3. Chapter 2

**Author's note: **Hey all! So sorry for the dealy, but I am the definition of biting more than you can chew this semester. School has been kicking my butt. Anyways, here I am with a new letter. Thanks for the review and alerts. They make me VERY happy.

Special thanks to **SunnyFreckles** for the reivew, since the website wouldn't let me reply to it! Thanks a bunch, you were so sweet =)

Don't for get to read my note at the end, I'd really like your input.

**Disclaimer: I own nothing related to Criminal Minds.**

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Garcia walked out of the elevator and walked towards her office on the BAU floor in a pensive mood. It was by no means a sour one, but she had yet to return to her usual bright and chipper self after the disturbing news of her long lost friend being alive. Her impending return was especially unsettling to the technical analyst. She was seriously torn, couldn't decide if she should welcome Emily home with open arms, bring her back to her lair and hug her until neither of them could breathe, or if she should be glad that she was okay but mad that she had never attempted to contact her family. Rationally, she understood Emily's predicament, along with JJ and Hotch's, but she still couldn't help but feel some resentment. On the other hand though, she thought she was dealing better than her Chocolate Adonis, who had been spotted around the bullpen looking glum and with a permanent scowl – directed especially towards their boss.

The mood around the BAU had changed even more since the first letter from their former co-worker had arrived 6 days previous. Now, the entire team was on edge waiting for the next one. Mainly, they all wanted to know who would be the second recipient of the notes. JJ had warned them that some letters might take longer than others but it still did nothing to calm the friends who eagerly awaited for tangible proof that Emily still thought about them.

As Garcia opened the door to her lair and automatically switched her many computers on, she didn't even notice the plain envelope sitting on her desk, neatly aligned with the edge of it - a clear sign that Hotch had been the one to leave it there. She did, however, notice one of her bright pink post-it notes glued to the screen nearest her chair.

The familiar handwriting merely stated:

_Garcia,  
JJ stopped by to give you your letter last night but you had already gone home. It's on your desk. I hope it brings you some peace or at least some understanding._

_- Hotch_

Eagerly opening the envelope yet careful not to rip the paper, the analys sat heavily on her chair and unfolded the piece of paper as if it were some kind of rare and precious work of art. Silently and with tears in her eyes she read._  
_

x-x-x

Penelope,

I know that I kind of said goodbye to you before and even though I regret the way I did it, I ment every word. You are very much a goddess, PG. One that makes everyone around you feel good and accepted. You know I'm not the most girly or even the friendliest person but you made me want to be nicer and more open and – let's face it – you are probably the only person on earth that could make me have "girl talks". And, damn, I miss those. I miss you. So much so that every place I had to go, every new person I had to become carried a bit of color. I always kept one piece of clothing - like a bright yellow scarf in Spain - or furniture, such as the ornamented orange lamp in northern France. I had to have something to remind me of you, I needed to feel somehow connected to you so that I could remember to smile.

You taught me the importance of an honest smile when everything else is dark. I hope you realize that, PG. Because if there is anything that merely resembles magic powers in this world, that's it. You're it.

I am very proud to say that I once worked and got to be friends with the all knowing Oracle of Quantico/goddess of technology and all things glitter.

I envy your ability to express your feelings and your true self, Garcia. You are a genuine, authentic and beautiful person and you make it look like it's effortless. Over the past months I have imagined your reaction to my deceit countless times and I know I hurt all of you a great deal. Even knowing all of this I would like to ask you a favor: even if you think best not to see me once I am finally allowed back to DC I would like a picture of us – the whole team. I know you have at least one in your office, maybe the one from a night out or a birthday celebration. I miss seeing you and I had to give up even the pictures I had in my cell phone.

Penelope, I know you have a huge heart, but don't think for a second that because I know that I expect you to forgive and forget so easily. If you do wish to see or talk to me, I'd be happy to explain my reasons personally. And, mainly, give you the hug I've longed to give you since I heard your last voicemail message to me. You guys were my family and I miss you all. It was never a matter of lack of trust, I hope at least that much is clear.

From the bottom of my heart I wish you all the best.

Love,  
EP.

x-x-x

By the time she finished reading, Garcia's mascara was running freely down her cheeks and chin. At that very moment, she could only think of one thing: hugging Emily Prentiss as if there was no tomorrow. And, just like that, the decision of how she would treat Emily once she was finally home was made for her.

Now, the only thing that still made her nervous was knowing that not everyone would come to the same realization so easily. Particularly not Derek Morgan.

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**AN 2: Okay, so who would you like to see getting the next letter?  
I already know who is getting the last one, but until then I have no specific order in mind. So, if you have an opinion/suggestion on that (or anything else), please let me know.**

**M xx**


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